Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Trick-or-Treat

My family loves to dress up for Halloween. Well, the husband and I love it. The kids are about over it. Since I just started blogging this year I thought I would share a few of our current Halloween costumes and past performances.

Today for the radio show I was “Crazy Target Lady”


I’m pretty sure I am going to wear this on Black Friday. I think I would be able to get to any door buster I wanted without being demanded to the back of the line.














Over the weekend my husband and I were “Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Rogers.” (2012)











Last year we were “Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker.” (2011)


I really went to the PTL Club when I was younger. Thank goodness the Tootsie Roll Company sent us wax lips in our Halloween candy shipment, I would have never pulled it off.


Before that we were “Suzanne Somers and Richard Simmons.” (2010) The best part of this costume was the Thigh Master my sister still had in storage. I just stood around all night working the Thigh Master like it was my job. Didn’t walk for three days after.



This one year when my babies were all in grade school I found the cutest monster treat idea. These were so much fun…for the first six. We made 90. My husband almost banished Halloween treats from our repertoire after this episode.


Last year my sweet eldest child was the gorgeous Audrey Hepburn. She bore a stunning resemblance. (2011)


I’ve had a Candy Corn Witch (2011)


MTV’s Daria and Jan(2008)
"Daria and my Pirates" (2008)

My Michael Jackson and his friend Elvis return from the dead (2009)

I've been “Medusa” (2004)


“Wonder Woman and Captain America” (2007)

"Wednesday and Pugsley Addams" (2008)


And one year I even had a “Girl Next Door Bunny” and “Hugh Hefner” (2009)
That one should come with a warning label...

This sweet blast from the past is one of my favorite days. (2003) Eldest girl loved her kitty tied to her broom and the babies loved their cat and dragon costumes.


I already have next year’s picked out and I cannot stop laughing…My husband morphs into any character spot on! Tune in…

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Down on Broadway

Oh, how I do love Broadway plays.

I got the husband on board when we visited New York in 2008. We saw a production of Shrek. The small, old theatre was filled with small children but it was my husband who was knee-slapping throughout the show. He was hooked. We left that matinee and went to a second play, Chicago. We got to watch Ashley Simpson play Roxie.

Last night we took the girls to see Beauty and the Beast in Louisville. It was a beautiful production of the timeless classic.
The eldest girl saw her first play when she was nine. I took her to see Chicago in Louisville. She loved the movie as much as I did. But her favorite production is Wicked – she’s seen it twice.

Broadway is a must for children. Even the boy loved Wicked – after asking during intermission if they were going to sing all the way through the second half.

I think the experience opens their eyes to a whole new world, especially in an avatar/computer world, real life beauty, dance, music and theater

is something they all should experience. It feeds the senses and broadens horizons.

In other Thomas Family business:

The eldest girl has decided what she wants to be when she grows up. A speech pathologist. Yes, this is the child who was voted “Most Quietest” in 7th and 8th grade for yearbook superlatives.

This a far cry from her 3-year-old dreams of being the “Coke fixer at McDonalds,” which she proclaimed from her car seat one day while glaring at the machine filling drinks. Her brother announced in a pageant that he wanted to be the “Pizza cutter boy,” when he grew up. Middle girl never got a say, she was told by eldest girl she would be the French fry fixer at Captain D’s because she liked their fries the best, and needed an inside connection to free fries. They had it all planned out at the ages of 4, 5, and 7. It’s good to be the age where your job isn’t about the money but about the perks.

My sister Kylee decided she could never work at Wal-Mart at the age of 8. She said, “They are open 24 hours a day! I would never get to go home.” She assumed if the doors were open, you are to be working.

Quote of the Day: I NEVER run with scissors! Actually, those last two words were unnecessary.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Anit-Jokes, Song-Pop & Boys w/Books

Apparently the new trend for kids are Anti-Jokes. The first comes to me via my middle child, who in turn blames the eldest child for telling her the anti-joke.

“Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms. Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.”

Terrible, I know.

So stop laughing.

I think as punishment I will tie all their arms behind their backs while trick-or-treating this year.

In other Thomas Family business:

The husband is addicted to Song-Pop. I’m not sure why he is addicted to this but not me. I have walked around for years singing small portions of songs and he never just sat and gazed at me for hours. His phone must have superpowers over him.

The boys were threatened to bring a book home to read one chapter each night. At the 11th hour, the new boy came running out at the end of school with his book waving in the air. Sheww…I would hate to drop him at the court house with a note pinned to his collar that said, “Failed to bring book home.” I think that’s what I threatened them in a fitted rage when they failed to bring a book home last Friday.

Quote of the Day: Sorry I went into survival mode when you tickled me.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Boy. The Nerd.

Why does a thick pair of glasses bring out the nerd in people? Is this innate in us? There is an unclaimed pair of BC’s lying on our counter in the game room and I noticed the boy eyeballing them.

What’s BC’s? Glad you asked.

My husband was in the Airforce in the early 90’s. His basic training was in Texas. I used to tease him that someday a long lost child from Texas would show up on our doorstep. That was until I saw a picture of him in his BC’s. His military issued eyeglasses, also known to the soldiers as Birth Control’s. The picture assured me that he was NOT procreating while stationed in Texas.

The boy finally stretches his hand out and slides these glasses onto his face. It was like an instant metamorphosis. His bangs split in two, and his other hand grabbed his shorts and pulled them as high as he could before slouching into a comfortable bend. His tiny frame began to wiggle back and forth with his fists going the opposite direction.

Even his voice changed.

Proud momma. I knew he would grow up to do great things.

Our weekend was full of family. My nephew Maxwell turned nine and we celebrated down on the farm. My sister bought land that her boys and mine love to roam over and discover new things, like a small cave. We trekked our way to this small cave, navigating down a hill using a rope as a railing system that my brother-in-law installed. On the way back up my other sister’s two-year-old little girl– who she was carrying the entire way – said, “It’s almost over momma.” At the top of this very steep hill she then said, “Sheww, I’m tired.”

She's a stinker. If you're not from the south, that's a term we use for children we love. Just walk away from trying to wrap your mind around this and carry on.

We went to church with this same sister on Sunday. It was “Neighbor Day” at her church and we live in the same subdivision. The Sunday before she had invited us since it was “Family Day” but we over slept and didn’t make it. She forgave us since “Neighbor Day” was near. Saved from disgrace.

I came home and cooked all day Sunday. I rarely cook anymore after eight years of catering almost burned me out; pardon the pun. My husband was hunting all day. He has a new bow, a new bruise on his arm after Sunday and Thank God, no dead animal in my deep freeze. Not sure I’m ready to be that kind of wife. We gave up being doom’s day preppers…too much pressure. I’m too busy pinning funny saying’s on Pinterest…pffttt, gallons of water and bean sprouts. I’ll just dye laughing.

In other Thomas’ Family business:

The boy got his basketball gear. He never takes off the socks. Weird, Nerdy kid.

Had a family cook-out with my small group tonight. Twice in three days I have cooked hotdogs over an open flame. I just realized, I could live in the last days. All I need is marshmallows. And hotdogs. And open flame. And a Stick. Yes a stick is all I will need – it will double as a weapon.

Quote of the Day: (Comes from Pinterest. Surprised?) When I stop to let you cross the road I don’t need you taking your time. Knees to chest, Heffer, knees to chest!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Lego My Garbage!!

“Wow, your room looks great!” – Me

“Thanks, I cleaned it.” – the Boy

“Well, that was a decent decision on your behalf since I threatened your life yesterday if you did not get it cleaned.” – Awesome Mom

I walk out of his room and notice a large, full, black garbage bag laid at the top of the stairs. I open to find the contents of the boy’s room. I ask what this is and he yells, “My garbage.”

I rummage through to find his ENTIRE collection of Legos - some unopened - a Wii controller cover, parts to his dinosaur collection, baseball cards he HAD to buy with his birthday money and every missing sock I blamed my washer for eating.

There was this one year I was a bridesmaid three times. Each of these dresses costs at least $150. I hung them in the garage, covered in garbage bags, next to all of the other bags of my yard sale items. The yard sale I was sure to have in the spring, move my goods and make some fast cash. As I went to have my yard sale, I realized most of my goods had vanished, including the dresses.

Upon questioning my husband, through some strong persuasive language, he confessed he had taken my dresses – one at a time – to the end of the driveway each week and draped across our garbage. After my head stopped spinning, and I pried my hands from his neck, I’m now concerned that the garbage man thinks I’m one of those “Housewives” – you know the kind on TV – that just throws out dresses because I am so spoiled.

I redeemed myself with the garbage man. I left him a note that read, “Please don’t think our latest trash is a reflection upon my own behavior and assume I am pretentious. The truth is, I caught my husband cross-dressing and made him throw out his “wardrobe.”

I’m kidding, I didn’t leave a note. But I did choke him…three times…in my mind.

I tell this story to bring this blog full circle and pose this question: Why in the world would my son ever even consider throwing away perfectly good items. AND, do you think the garbage man’s wife is sitting at her kitchen table - adorned in my bridesmaid dress - writing out my garbage bill?

At least the husband took his garbage to the curb; the boys made it ten feet from his bedroom door. I refer you to the blog where he carried the towel to my bathroom…

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Christmas Return Line – Party of One

How in the world do I already find myself in the Christmas return line?

I’ll tell you how, I bought clothes for my 16-year-old and then showed her my choices. (Insert gong noise here)

I had scored a great coupon to one of my favorite stores so I decided to do some Christmas shopping. This isn’t early for me, typically I have most of Christmas bought at this point – I clearance shop a LOT. This was easier when my shopping list was full of little toy loving babies, who didn’t care what their clothes looked like.

I took her and her friend shopping and just happened to point at every item I bought, and said in a stupid voice, “Oh, this would be cute on you.” EVERY item I showed her she frowned like it had a butterfly collar.

OHHHH crap, I’m the mom in the Will Smith song, “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Crap, Crap, Crap…

I confessed to her, and she ended up picking out all the things that I had snarled at; at first. They were cute after…well, I’m sure when she opens the boxes on Christmas morning they will be super cute.

In other Thomas family business:

The boy started basketball this week. The good news is he discovered that he likes Axe deodorant…he likes it three times a day: morning, before and after basketball practice. He smells like a gigolo when I pick him up. I’m sure to a person without a chemical allergy this kid is rockin’!!!

We spent Fall Break at home except for a day at Jackson’s Orchard; the land of the bestest apple butter in the entire world. I mean that – I’ve tried it all.

We took my nephews with us. Nolan told me all about his money store. His brother collects rare coins and Nolan’s understanding is somewhere between wanting money/all coins are worth BIG money. He decided to tape coins together and put yard sale stickers on his pre-packaged money. His mother shopped and paid $1 for two quarters. He bagged 20 pennies and put a $20 sticker on it.

I think I know where I’m shopping for Christmas!

He also informed me that he was going to marry a thousand girls 'cause he likes to kiss a lot. It's good to be six...

Monday, October 1, 2012

Can I Please Be The Age That Speaks Taco?

It’s the jumping jacks I really don’t care much for. They start out ok but after a few minutes my calf muscles are crying. It doesn’t matter now, though…I have been delivered from the dreaded jumping jacks thanks to my misbehaving bladder. So glad it’s come to my rescue. Me getting older = stinks.

I have spent the past week a bit furious over the amount of fundraising/working I am subjected to for all my kids’ sports and yet in the end I am still writing huge checks for all kinds of apparel. The kicker came today when the girls got into the car with new wind suits for volleyball and said, “She said she forgot to tell us that we owe $60 for each of these.” The best part of this…the last game of the season is tomorrow. Yep, $120 and they get to wear once. I don’t cuss…if you do – tear loose. I just want to point out that we made it all season without matching wind suits. Did we really need them? Just asking. I just paid $64 for one pair of tennis shoes for volleyball, the eldest girl still had hers from last year AND the middle girl has yet another shirt coming tomorrow that I owe for. The price has not been announced to me yet. The boy owes $175 for all of his matching basketball apparel; this is after $130 for the football season – that doesn’t include the cleats we bought or the gate fees. I’m sure the money we have fundraised is being used somewhere but shewww, at this rate I am going to have to become a Jehovah’s Witness so we don’t have to celebrate the gift giving portion of Christmas. This all comes on the heels of planning for the DECA fall trip and paying deposits on the eldest child’s senior trip to London/France. What happened to chocolate milky cups and $1.99 Happy Meals that kept them happy? These guys getting older = expensive.

In other Thomas family business:

Seeking someone to pay my water bill.

Seeking new job that pays $100k year and gives me four days and weekends off each week.

Favorite thing I heard today comes from my friend Allyson’s FB page and is a conversation between her 5 and 3 year old daughters:

5 year old: I am going to count in British; Uno, Duos, Tres…

3 year old: That’s not British, that’s Taco!