Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Whirlwind Leap from Wedding Dress to Mud

I set out this morning to help a friend pick out the wedding dress I wanted for her to wear, and I ended up standing in rain boots in squishy mud most of the day, draped in a Fire Chief’s raincoat.

Luckily, she was late getting ready. Our adventure lasted about two feet of backing out of her driveway, when I received a text that a tornado had hit the county.

Bless the hearts of those five families who have lost their homes. So very thankful that no one was fatally wounded today, God truly was watching over.

I end the month of February saying that I was successful in my quest to stay out of Wally World. I’m not sure how much I saved but I know some of what I did spend went to small town American stores, where the cashiers I have dealt with have been appreciative of my business. As I am appreciative of their help, pleasant small talk and the fact their tone does not make me feel like a criminal when I use a coupon. Plus, I stocked up with Rite Aid this week. Great sales, great offers – spent about $112 on $350 worth of products. Badabing! I also have not stopped and bought a big, delicious drink every morning. (New Year’s Resolution) This has saved me approximately $43.20.

You can get one to two weeks circulars ahead at Rite Aid; this way you can plan your shopping trip ahead of time. And IGA has started the $5 off deal similar to Kroger’s that we all love AND they have a weekly sale day that is awesome AND, I’m not done yet, they double coupons now!!! I’ve heard great things about Priceless Foods in E-Town. A Grayson County man manages it, so our money is coming back home.

In other Leap Day business:

Well, it’s off to properly mourn my favorite Monkee, Davey Jones.

Thankful Leap Year is only once every four years.

The boy made a cell. He used part of a silk flower for the nucleus. I haven't looked at my arrangements to see which one is missing a flower head. I expect an A on this project!

Tomorrow is March 1st and I will add a new goal to the list. I am planning 31 days of Bible memory versus with my children. I will let you know how this goes; I found a formula on Pinterest. Ohhh, I just remembered, I haven’t pinned in days. See ya…

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Happy Birthday –Love, Mother Nature

Yes, to answer the question that I asked several weeks ago – if you pull a grey hair, two WILL grow back. We found two grey hairs on the child again. This is so weird. But, the grey hairs were in totally different places. Who has grey hair this young? Should I be concerned?

As I sit here, the eve or losing my youth, I would like to thank Mother Nature for not forgetting my birthday. While shaving my legs I found her gift – varicose veins – they almost twisted around my thigh and spelled Happy Birthday Old Lady. I would have accepted a card with the same message but the witch didn’t ask. Oh well…a jar with a slotted lid is added to the counter, beside the other slotted lid jars, to accept donations to have this gift “returned” – thank you plastic surgeon in advance.

I have spent this last day of 35 clipping coupons and getting those organized, writing news stories about a gas station stabbing, watching a bit of the Oscars, went for a workout and Church…love me some church. In the mood of the evening I would like to thank the Academy for not mentioning my birthday tonight. That would have been embarrassing. They really are very good to me.

Well, goodnight to the first 35 years of my life. According to the book of Psalms, the average life span of a human is 70 years; I’m headed into the 2nd half. Amen.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Birthday Magic

Frick Yes! As Eldest Girl says…my husband totally got it right and bought me the best birthday present! Three pieces of Vera Bradley I had been wanting for traveling. AND, he scored a great deal; he got all three for the original price of one AND free shipping. Love it and love him. I squealed like a little girl when I saw the box on the front porch. Can’t wait to tell him what he bought me. He knows me so well…

My birthday is not for a couple of days but we (I) established a few years ago that we would celebrate birthday WEEK. It’s really the only way to fully encompass all of the magic. I have never dreaded turning a new number but this one has me a little in the dumps. I’m beginning to feel….O…L…D. *Bleck* Maybe the hairnet I scored at the lunchroom last week will cover the gray hair. Shame there wasn't a facemask involved. Maybe I will find a burglar OR a hunter to shadow for my next adventure. This is surely the only face cream that will cover fine lines and wrinkles - camo paint.

Haters gonna hate but I don’t understand. Why do people immediately act ugly about things that are supposed to be encouraging, kind or supportive? I have started a new segment at work called, “These Are The People In Your Neighborhood.” So far, the response has been overwhelming. I really have been surprised at how much people love the concept of seeing what someone else’s daily job is like. It’s walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, through me. If you haven’t seen my first video of working with the awesome lunch ladies at the middle school, you can find it on our website. Regardless of the quality of my work, the idea is to show the community each other’s daily tasks, in hopes of creating understanding, support and hopefully new appreciation for the people in your neighborhood. BUT, even with all of the support, one wise mouth is able to be my Debbie Downer. (shaking fist) Amazing how one smart-alecky comment can change your attitude? Well Miss Downer, I would ask to shadow you but I see you don’t have a job. Moving on…

I also got Lindt truffles from my honey and the nicest card. He really did buy these. I’ve eaten enough today to be mad about it. He also took me and the babies to eat Mexican.

We celebrated my nieces 2nd birthday today. She's so stinkin' cute; I could pinch her cheeks off! I may put her in my new big bag and steal her. She would fit like a puppy. I LOVE that kid!

I guess I will sign off and spend some time with him. These are amazing bags. He’s such a good boy!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Slop, Slop, Sloppy Joe

You Might Be A Redneck If…

You buy a membership to Snap fitness and you take smoke breaks. I experienced this tonight. A large group of youngins’ lifting weights – smoke break – lifting more weights – smoke break…my body wouldn’t hold up.

So glad Jesus delivered me of this three years ago. I had tried it all; patches, Chantix , cold turkey - they all worked – for a moment in time. One good sermon and my butt was singed; pun intended.

My sister borrowed her first official “cup of sugar” from her neighbor today. It was actually a box of instant pudding she sought from me. Is this a sign how times have changed. Remember the pictures of the 50’s lady in the A-line skirt and red checkered apron holding her measuring cup while knocking on the door. I bet she was making real, homemade from scratch pudding. Yummm…But not my sister. Nothing but instant for her babies. We’re so proud.

I have a nephew who thinks that instant mashed potatoes and canned biscuits are nectar of the god’s. We girls grew up in a restaurant - one where my daddy made for sure everything was as homemade as possible. Not sure why we girls raised our kids on fake food. I guess we don’t want to send them into the world with false expectations; just raise them from the get-go on crap and the real world will be zero shock. I like this thought…so, it’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

The middle girl scored several points in her volleyball game today – so proud!

I got to work as a lunch lady today!!! I am starting a series at work called “These are the People of Your Neighborhood.” Debbie Givens, the manager of the middle school lunchroom allowed me total access to the behind the scenes of her lunchroom. I got to slop mashed potatoes, handle the beloved tots (not really, they don’t have tots anymore, they are smiley face potato rounds BUT tots sounds soo much cooler!) and I got to wash dishes with the big spray nozzle that hangs from the ceiling. I am saving my money to install one in my garage. Every mother needs a prerinse machine for children before they enter the house, this will work perfectly!

The best of all, I now officially know what really is in the Sloppy Joe AND the secret behind the McCougar Rib. You’ll have to wait for my video package of my adventure to the lunchroom to find out these coveted secrets. I’m not sure I will release them. I am awaiting a response from the Superintendent to see if he will fulfill my demands to keep these secrets.

If you never hear from me again, I’m in the witness protection program…

Sunday, February 19, 2012

In My Red High Heels

It’s been five days since I have written down my whereabouts or what-abouts. Valentine’s Day has come and gone and I am now upon the eve of the anniversary of my career in the news world.

Six years have come and gone and as I stand here gazing back I see a total recreation. Is it due to K105? No, but having a job I love and being in the business to be ‘In The Know’ has forced me to cram lots of information into my brain that inevitably has changed me. If I quit learning, I quit writing. If I quit writing, I quit working.

Knowledge is power; correct? Wonder at what point I get to control the world? I will keep cramming...When the time is upon us for me to rule the world, be prepared to submit yourselves to new rules and regulations for swimwear at public water parks.

This brings me to my birthday. It’s also upon us. And guess who got a super HOTT swimsuit for her birthday? ME ME ME!!! My momma bought it for me. It’s a perfect one-piece, turquoise, Tommy Bahama and it is super-duper HAWT on me! Well, that’s a total LIE, but it perfectly accentuates my elbows!!! They have never looked better!!!! Couldn’t be happier when I have it on (until I open my eyes, that’s disappointing. If we all close our eyes when I model it, we will all see its true perfectness). The $128 price dropped to $30 is also perfectness!

I thank my momma today for a great birthday outing. My nails look luscious and match my new Red High Heels!

I stop here to say this. My scanner just alerted a police officer that he needs to look for a woman who is walking the highway in pajama bottoms. I wonder; did her family leave her at the Wal-Mart alone because she embarrassed them by wearing her pajamas out in public?

This was interrupted by this, “Hey momma, wanna see me juggle?” – the boy. And he sure did! I’m so proud of my little circus freak. He started his career into the circus world when he was three. He learned to ride a bike without training wheels and he rode his little 12” bike around – looking like a circus act.

The husband and I got a date night Friday. The grocery and dinner. Does this spell old?

Middle girl woke me Saturday morning with her stomach virus; she battled all day but in the end, she won. I got to sanitize bathrooms, throw away the toothbrush and change sheets. Church this morning was amazing, as always. Went to see my nephew, who is only five months old, in the hospital, he has pneumonia and RSV. Made a trip to Rite Aid to score a few great deals and all these things I did, in my new Red High Heels.

So I ponder, is the power really encompassed in knowledge or a great pair of shoes?

Really, Jesus is the reason for my recreation; that birthday is also upon us - February (2008).

That’s where my strength comes from; “But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you,” – Acts 1:8


Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Funny Valentine

Praise the Lord for beautiful flowers. His “real nice” delivery of “Happy Valentine’s Day” that he promised, sounded more like “Happy Victorian Day.” It could have been his mouth pressed into a pillow and his eyes still closed when he decided to say it. No I was not suffocating him.

I swear.

Maybe his poor delivery is to blame on his staying up until 1:17 a.m. I’m sure the entire time was spent standing in the mirror, clearing his throat and practicing. His friend Jay was here. I’m sure he used him as a practice prop.

The kiss was good. If Jay comes in using Chap Stick, I will be…well, ashamed. I think I understand the song, “My Funny Valentine,” now.

Pink roses delivered during my morning show were just the sweetest thing. At lunch the endearing husband said, "What'd the card say."

Did he just admit he didn't sign the card?

The babies woke up to stacks of chocolate awaiting them to descend the stairs. Even Cady got chocolates. She spent the night with Eldest Girl last night.
The kids swear Cupid leaves the chocolate for them. I am not sure why. I even leave cards signed from mom & dad and they refuse to believe it’s from us. ??? Isn’t this backwards?

What a busy day, both our boys (ours and our weekend foster) had basketball games. The middle girl had a volleyball game, the eldest girl had DECA practice and we had a meeting. We learned that the DECA finalists who are attending National Competition will spend about $800 each to go. That means the same amount for mom. Wow.

All donations can be made to me. I accept checks, money orders, all major credit cards, cash, gold or chocolate coins. Please, and thank you.

Monday, February 13, 2012

I Have An Evil Laugh.?.

“I’m gonna give you a real nice “Happy Valentine’s Day” tomorrow,” – endearing husband.

I wonder if he’s down stairs, in his bathroom, practicing in the mirror.

As we were leaving Subway today I told him I was on my way to Rite Aid to buy his Valentine present. He quickly turned, cocked his head, pointed his finger at me and said the above statement.

I have witnesses to this. If it’s not a “real nice” delivery of the statement, I wonder what weight a witness will carry in court. (rubbing chin)

Why do they fight? My youngest two are trying to play volleyball in the boy’s room. I hear laughing and “Oh my GOSH,” (in an angry voice). Think they have a net setup in there? I’m afraid to go and look. I’m not sure why all of the boy’s new furniture looks like it has been put in the dryer.

“Make her leave my room; she’s doing that cheerleading stuff and knocking pictures off my walls.” – Eldest Girl

“Tell her to come here.”

“Are you being annoying? Are you cheerleading?” - me

No, I put my feet over my head and it hit this one stuff. Is that your evil laugh? You do that before you say, “You need to stop.” - Middle Girl

Who knew I had an evil laugh.

In other 44th day business:

I gorged myself on Dove Dark Chocolate candy today; not mad about it – yet.

My Wally-World boycott is well underway. It’s been 12 days since I have been there. They say 13 times forms a habit. May have a new habit under my belt.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Me No Speak Pig Latin

Yakkity Yak – Don’t talk back. Just need to unload this bit of chatter in my head before I move into the next portion of today’s writing.

I learned many things this morning:

o A new chapter for the radio station as we welcome a new face/voice - a younger vibe to the building. I want to give her proper “props” but I am aware as I type, I just classified myself as the older vibe. Hmmm….I guess being a vibe - at all - is good. She came into my office and asked me to pray with her as she embarks on her new endeavor. I’m thankful she is aware not only will I prayer for/with her, but "Prayers without Ceasing" is as a part of my life as breathing.

o Michelle, one of our Producers, came in to say “Thank You” for helping her. I was unaware of what I had helped her with until she elaborated. “I have been wanting to read my Bible more at night but fail to get to it,” she expressed, “But I saw you reading yours one morning and realized that I can do that. I have the app now on my iPad and read while at the front desk, not busy.”

o I do not like McDonalds Cherry Pie. Apple will be my preference.

o Valentines from sweet, little girls make me smile. But K105 T-Shirts make sweet, little girls jump up and down.

I express most of the above to say this, you really don’t know how you impact someone, BUT you will impact them through your actions. I thank God for his use of me. Little do these girls know, they are the answer to my prayers. Thank you, Jesus.

As I roll into Day 2 of coughing with crud in my chest, I pause to thank the child in my vehicle who decided to bathe in hand sanitizer. She was unaware of my chemical allergy BUT if I had known she needed a bath, I would have rolled the windows down and drove through the car wash. This would not have been anymore uncomfortable than the flu-like symptoms and cough I have now. Benadryl helps the cough, but most of my readers do not speak Pig Latin and that is the language I write in when dosed-up on Benadryl.

However, several years ago while the Husband and I were watching Brad Pitt’s “Inglorious Ba$!^#ds” My Mallory did point out that it was a hard movie to follow unless you spoke Pig Latin. I think I can deduce this to say, maybe on Benadryl days I should work for a German or French newspaper.

And the pondering continues.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Dishonor On Your Cow!

“Haauummmm…” Yep, that’s the sound of me throwing my back out lifting Tootsie Roll candy. The station received its mega shipment for Valentine’s Day and like a dorky kid I ran into the conference room squealing, and decided to grab a box…a very heavy box, and look through it. My job might as well be a war zone…the dangers I encounter. My back was not appreciative. Being brilliant, I decided to take said “back” to Zumba tonight. And for that, it did not thank me.

I am not/cannot be pregnant but I’m pretty for sure I’m having back labor. That’s great news. Dang you candy for romancing me!!!

Today’s lunch time texts from Eldest Girl:

“We should have cheeseburgers and fries 4 dinner yo!!!” – her

“Sounds good.” – me

“Are you down with that? You gonna make dis happen 4 me?” – her

“I’m gonna make something happen for u!! LOL” – me

“Make it happen or else.” – her

“U scare me so, Mafia Girl,” – me

“Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!” – Disney’s Mulan loving girl.

I got to go and work with a bunch of DECA students today. We are adding sound to their State competition presentations. They are so excited, as am I.

I was also interviewed by two journalism students today. I am anxious to see what they write about me. I write about everybody else, I wonder what they will have to say. I’m sure I’m at least 10 feet tall in their interpretation of me. I will have perfect hair, speech, and skin. My words will be eloquent and I am sure to have a cape on underneath my clothes. YES! This is the person that I am sure they spoke with today. Anything less will just be a lie.

I also had the misfortune of writing a story of a dear man who was found dead today, supposedly of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. My heart is heavy for this situation. He was such an intriguing gentleman.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Goodbye Wally, You’re not Worth Losing My Religion

I have officially decided to go on a “Wally-World” fast. After Thursday’s experience, I decided to go back Friday. Mistake. My cashier was so hateful that I almost stamped my foot and called her a Lint Licker. I think I will just try and break my dependency on the mega-monster before I shame my King. I can already see that this will save me $. It would have to since I – like many – are drawn to the shiny things that I do not need, but purchase anyways. If I am headed somewhere else for groceries, I will make for sure I have a detailed list of what I need, and nothing more; most of these stores don't offer much more. This has to be a financial break through.

I think I will write a book, if this works. Goodbye Wally – You’re World Has Gotten Too Big. Plus, I feel better about investing back into small town America.

The day grew worse with items jumping up and down on my nerves. I ended my day with not pulling far enough into my garage and shutting the garage door on my vehicle. I have a nice scratch down the back of my SUV to commemorate the event. I just walked into the house, sat down on a bar stool, lay across the counter and shook my fist. I think the word Hades slipped from my lips.

Saturday rolled around and the Middle Girl had a full day of Volleyball in Elizabethtown. I enjoyed watching all the girls play; my butt grew numb but the Middle Girl played well!!! She’s always a great time; she loves to be with her momma.

Sunday came and the Patriots lost the Superbowl. My house was cleaned over the weekend, that’s always a plus. This means the kids will not face the wrath of the health department; for now - cannot promise much more than that. We always teeter on that fine line of being shut down.

"Hot Lips Houlihan" pleaded guilty this morning, on the way to school. He apparently has already turned from his evil ways and has given up kissing at school. My sharp parenting skills kicked in and said, “That’s why you have pillows, they’re for kissing.” He laughed.

It was the Eldest Girls turn to say the Morning Prayer on the way to school. About two lines in I hear, “Shoot!” I turned to look at her and she says, “I forgot to print my lab report.” I can assume she is not talking to Jesus at this point, even though I believe he has the power to print her report, spell check it and drop it from the sky. She chose to go in and print it herself. I liked my idea better. It would have been a much more interesting story on-air this morning. With lab report in hand, she rounded out her prayer with a “Thank You, Jesus.” I second that – since it would have been me backtracking and trying to print said report. Her luck, I would have accidentally printed a recipe for a bomb and she would have been expelled.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Opps, I Did It Again!

I did it again. I ended up in line, with a cart full of groceries and there are only four cashiers working at the Wal-Mart. Guess what, it’s the first of the month. Guess how many people were there fighting for one of these four cashiers? About a cazillion. I took a picture.

I was in a time trap; between one girl at volleyball practice and one at the dentist – both to be finished at 5:00 p.m. It’s 4:42 p.m. and I’m five people deep in line and the cashier has decided to lay down and die. I swear she didn’t move for at least five solid minutes. ROLL IN THE NEXT CASHIER!!!

I surrender.

I turn my cart around and go put the cold stuff back in the coolers and leave. I just decided to take my $ to the Family Dollar. No one waiting in line there.

I may start an “Occupy Wal-Mart” movement to ensure the store schedules an adequate number of cashiers during the first week of the month. I think on the back of my picket sign I will also protest my “no pajama’s allowed inside” rant. Most stores already demand shoes and shirts. I don’t think it’s too much to add “no pj’s” to the list.

I never really paid attention to this trend until my Middle Girl looked at me one day – at the age of 7 – and said, “Momma, I’m glad you’re not one of those careless moms that wear their pajamas to school to get me.” Hmmm…out of the mouths of babes. I’ve noticed ever since. Funny what they notice.

There will be an organizational meeting Saturday for "Occupy Wal-Mart." Please bring lots of glitter. Anyone with a Beadazzler will be shown favoritism at the meeting.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

SHE WON! She won! She won! She won!!!

The Eldest Girl took home 1st place at the Regional DECA Competition today at WKU!!! She’s headed to state.

I had my doubts – the first time she and her partner Alicia presented their catering business, “Gourmet Guru’s” to me. BUT, they pulled it out and wowed the judge!

I’m just so darn excited. That kid smiled all the way off the stage, home and in her sleep! I LOVE IT!

I am so proud of her!!! She gets to compete in the State Competition in March. And no more blaming her father for everything. Nope, I’m done with that, I am blaming me for her win today. I’ll take it, I blame him enough.

It’s been a very busy week so I haven’t gotten to blog daily like I would normally like to do during the week. I’m not sure anything was worth writing about now that I think back. Oh wait! I paid a man to see me naked this week and tell me I was too thin. I almost forgot.

My OB/GYN almost stood me up. My appointment was at 10:30 a.m. and at Noon he rolls into the exam room. I was so hungry by that point I almost left. I was giving him another 5 minutes and then I was going to bounce.

“New socks?” – He asked while “working.” Well, thanks for noticing. Small talk or was he genuinely interested? If I had just said, “no” would that have been awkward? He indulged me in more pillow talk with a delightful discussion about women who wear their pajamas to Wal-Mart. It’s a pet peeve of mine; come to find out, his too. Who knew I had so much in common with my OB/GYN.

All is well except he says I’m too thin - according to his charts. Those charts are the devil and the devil tells lies. Just sayin’! My jeans - now those babies will tell the truth about my weight. They don’t cut me any slack!

I finally got my Subway lunch and tore into like a feral dog. About 15 minutes in, I look up and guess who I see. The doctor. Why is it I feel awkward seeing him out in public? Here I have my clothes on!